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有多少爱可以重来?












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  有多少爱可以重来?

  ——红袖盈香

  

  

  　　

  蓉儿从来不知道自己会感动于一首歌，不知道一首歌会蕴含那么多的感情、劝说，更不知道一首歌会让她改变自己的生活……直到有一天……　

  　　

  那是一个细雨飘飘的夜晚，往日明亮的街灯在雨中显得柔柔的；脸颊上浅浅的指印还没散去的她，被一帮朋友拉去喝酒。　

  穿过雨幕，他们推开了“紫苑”的木门。“有多少爱可以重来？有多少人愿意等待……”扑面而来的歌声直直地落入她的心底，她楞在了门边。下意识地抚抚脸颊。早晨先生恨恨的吼声又在耳边响起：你就爱他去吧！　

  不知情（？）的朋友们簇拥着她坐下了。端起晶莹剔透的酒杯，轻轻一晃，琥珀色的美酒在灯光下熠熠生辉。“葡萄美酒夜光杯”？蓉儿淡淡地笑了，低头，慢慢啜一口，再抬头时，双眸已盈溢出秋水。　

  歌声越发清晰起来，萦绕在室内。嬉戏的朋友们不知什么时候安静了下来。许是感染了她的忧伤吧？蓉儿惊觉，越发不安宁了。　

  借口不舒服，谢绝了所有决意相送的绅士们，蓉儿独自走出洋漾着欢乐的酒吧，随意走着。低着头的她在回忆？在深思？街灯照着她孑孓而行，喧嚣的尘世似乎离她很远、很远，她就那么默默地走着，沉沉地走着……不知不觉中,已到望江楼，四川大学那熟悉的校门伸手可触。她驻步、回头，坐在了江畔。　

  “蓉儿，这是一个好普通的名字，普通到任何一位成都女性都可以是”锦江水嘲讽地娓娓说着。瞪视江水，蓉儿点燃一支香烟，袅袅烟雾中，看不清她是悲是喜，是苦是乐，潺潺江水里，映不出她是幸福还是忧郁。单薄的身子在初春的寒风下孤独地寂寞着。她凝视川大校门：这里曾是他学习生活的地方，这里曾有他挥洒的青春风采，他的睿智，他的才华，他的机敏，是这里锻造的……蓉儿遐想着曾在这里的他的一切，却被渐渐响起的小提琴熟悉的旋律及学子们开怀的笑语剌痛了双眼。灯火阑珊处，江风吹来飒飒的凉意，带着雨雾，仿佛要将一切冷却。迷茫、困惑、无奈、彷徨……往日对他的依恋，今日对他的思念；往日先生对自己的宠爱，今日晨曦中先生的怒火，在脑海中交织……　

  每每坐在电脑旁，每每手指在键盘跳动，蓉儿总是忘记一切。网络上，她笑、她闹、她飞扬着自己的北京医院青春痘治疗才华；她悲、她叹、她感动于网友们的文章，在这个空间，她留连忘返……先生对她的晚归总是报以宠爱地一笑，她总会叽叽喳喳地告诉他她在网上又遇见了谁，网上哪个BBS的贴子又感动了她。他知道她在网上好开心。在她一再追问对结交网友一事看法时他总是说：“那是你自己的事。不过，不能影响工作。”于是，蓉儿总能洒脱地玩，心无城府地玩。　

  一天， 在朋友的房间里，在一群相谈甚欢的人群中，她遇见了他。交谈从不经意开始，却有了相见恨晚的感动，更有了相知相惜的友谊。蓉儿为此庆幸不已：在这个空间，她有一个宠她爱她引导她安慰她的兄长，他于她是兄，是友，是师；而今，她又拥有了一份高山流水般的友谊。她有了那种易感、易思的激情。世界在她的双眸中更加美好起来：一首歌、一株草、一抹朝晖都会感动她、感染她……　

  钦佩于他的才华，迷惑于他的机智，更沉溺于彼此的那份默契，她一心守候着“月上柳梢头，人约黄昏后”的规律。　

  常常，时间在他们娓娓相谈中逝去。常常，晨曦在他们灿烂笑语中绽放。　

  可是，在那次不经意的等待中，在那个久等无音讯、飞扬的心随着时间渐逝渐沉渐至失落的夜晚，在等待中惆怅的蓉儿、在期盼下焦虑的蓉儿、在渴望里挣扎的蓉儿迷惘了：一方面，是平平淡淡充满柴米油盐酱醋茶不言爱不说爱却实实在在的繁琐岁月，另一方面是轻轻悄悄远离尘嚣心灵互动倾心相谈言有情语有义且潇潇洒洒的激情时光。蓉儿迷惘了,迷惘中的蓉儿从那天开始，少言渐至沉默了……　

  先生眼看着蓉儿的笑容象花一样绽放、灿烂，又眼看着这朵花渐渐地开始枯萎、凋谢，心也随着渐渐地沉重起来……　

  就在这时，蓉儿意外地得知宠爱她的兄长得了脑瘤！　

  扔下一切，蓉儿不辞而别！　

  两天后的晚上，疲惫的蓉儿回到了家。　

  没看见先生焦灼的双眼，没留意家里的凌乱、地上堆积的烟头及满屋的烟雾，蓉儿直奔电脑，她只记得今天是她与他相约的日子，她想知道他还好吗？她要问问他他这两天是否等待过她……先生无奈地守着她，狠狠地吸着烟，把自己隐藏在烟雾之内，沉默地看着、看着……时间一分一秒地跑着，她沉浸在网络中，他沉浸在忍耐中。终于，他扔下灼疼了手的烟头，愤怒地走了过去……争吵开始了——在天亮之前最黑暗的时候……　

  “啪……”，清脆的巴掌声响在晨曦中，争吵嘎然而止……不敢相信的蓉儿抚着失去痛感的脸，夺门而出……　

  　　

  回忆中的蓉儿心剧烈地疼痛起来：那个少言寡语、从不重言自己一句的人竟会舍得打自己，难道说自己真的错了吗？接下来的路应该怎样走？此时，如何面对心里的他？今后，如何面对梦里的他？　

  街灯照着蓉儿的身影，初春的寒风还有着淡淡的寂寞。夜，已是深了，蓉儿还坐在那儿，一动不动。雨还下着，淅淅沥沥；风还吹着，轻轻悄悄。夜深人静时，一把悲怆的歌渐渐响起：“常常责怪自己当初不应该，常常后悔没有把你留下来，为什么明明相爱，到最后还是要分开……”蓉儿惊动了，抬起迷惘的双眸寻声看去，却对上了一双深情的燃烧的炽热的悔恨的求恕的含泪的眼……这是他吗——那个从不唱歌在新婚之夜不惜得罪爱妻也不愿哼一声小调的他吗？这是他吗——那个信奉沉默是金信奉男人不流泪从不善于表达从不屑于表达的他吗？隐忍了许久的泪奔涌而下——从来没听过那么嘶哑难听的歌喉，从来没听过那么荒腔走板的歌声，可是，这歌声有着那么浓浓的、浓得化不开、浓得伸手可触的深情……　

  双目凝视中，他轻轻拥她入怀、轻轻抹去她晶莹的泪水、轻轻抚摸着她的脸颊：不是不准你上网，不是不要你开心，生命中有一个知心朋友，那是你的福气，我不会太介意他的性别……只是，看着你渐渐忧郁，看着你渐渐消瘦，我心疼却又无奈，原谅我，那一巴掌打的不是你，而是我自己……

  泪流满面的蓉儿偎入爱人的怀抱，哽咽着扬起了歌喉：“……有多少爱可以重来，有多少人愿意等待，当懂得珍惜以后回来，却不知那份爱会不会还在……”

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